I know that everything will be ok. Or at least how it should be but it doesn't stop all the fears from creeping into my head. This journey has really just begun, it's been easy up until this point but already it has caused some strain on out relationship. Not a huge strain, not a "should we really be doing this strain" but a strain. We fight and we get over it but I am so afraid of what will happen when we find out what's wrong. I'm so afraid we will find fault and place blame. And that this fault, guilt or blame will rip us apart. I keep saying that I don't want to put my body through difficult fertility treatments, especially when there are so many children that need loving homes. Yet, I want to carry a child, I want a baby bump and a pregnancy glow. I want to feel him/her kick and to look down at their tiny face and see his chin and my nose. I know that when you adopt you accept the child as your own and it doesn't really matter how they got here but... I want my baby and it wasn't supposed to be this hard. I'm putting on my brave face and I know we are doing what we need to do but I'll be honest, I'm terrified.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment