Stylish Blogger Award

I was given the Stylish Blogger Award from my fellow blogger Ashley! Thanks Ashley, I'm honored! :)

There are a few rules to this award:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers.

4. Contact the bloggers and tell them about the award!

So 7 things about me...

1. Most people I know IRL don't have any idea about our TTC struggle, most blog friends don't know much beyond that, like I majored in Scenic Design for Theatre and I'm obsessed with my 2 doxies.

2. I think my biggest fear about pregnancy (beyond all the scary things most moms-to-be worry about) is that my feet will grow and I will never be able to wear all my super cute shoes again. I LOVE shoes and have close to 50 pairs but ironically, I only wear 2 or 3 comfy pairs regularly.

3. I was president of my college's Orchid Club for 2 years. I kill most houseplants but somehow manage to keep orchids alive.

4. My first weekend at college, my roommates went home and there was a cockroach in my room. I freaked out and tried to buy a bus ticket home. Low and behold, on the first Friday of college, they were sold out. On the way home I bought myself a houseplant, some viney thing and named him Ralph. He is still alive.

5. I love water. Growing up, I was always in the water, whether it was the little pool in the backyard, the neighborhood pool, Grandpa's pool or Lake Michigan. I love swimming. My hubby says I'm half fish. It doesn't matter how cold it is, I dive right in.

6. I love trashy TV. I still watch One Tree Hill, and I love almost every show on TLC. My guilty pleasures include Teen Mom, Real World/Road Rules Challenges, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and Hoarders. (For the record, it is my husband who defines these shows as "trashy")

7. I would love to live on a farm and have tons of dogs. I would also love a horse.

Now, to pass this award on, I will move this out of the TTC circle a bit...

1. Dee over at TTC and Other Random Musings

2. Joey and Maggie over at The Long and Short of It All

3. Baxter at Kalyxcornucopia

4. My friend Melanie over at The Dineen Machine

5. Lisa at Hoping for a Chance

Today I got a beautiful necklace from my mother with the scripture I wrote about last week.

She got it from Christianbook.com

:)

Hi my name is Jenni and I'm infertile.

Went to the Infertility support group tonight. I am very glad I did. There are 2 women with a child each (one via embryo adoption) and 2 that are currently pregnant. There were 12 total, all varying in age and journey. It's just good to have someone in real life to talk to that gets it and I don't feel so crazy anymore.

15 dpo

So, as of today I am officially late. Not sure how I made it this long without testing. I've been slightly emotional and had a few waves of nausea and some headaches. I am so very very hopeful that I am literally scared to go to the bathroom. I know it sounds irrational but I am so scared to discover my period arrived. I should probably test tomorrow morning but right now that seems pretty scary too. I'm not sure if I want the truth or to hold on to hope.

Also, I'm reading a book called Conquering Infertility. I like it a lot. It is all about taking control or your life again and coping with the loneliness, guilt and other feelings that come with infertility. It has all these relaxation techniques and I can tell they are helping already. I think I was starting to become consumed by my infertility and slipping into a dark place.

I have also sought out a support group. My first meeting is Monday. I am excited and I am scared.

Overall I feel better. I am currently hopeful and I feel pretty happy. I feel like I am taking good steps to help myself.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I am trying to focus on this verse. Trying to trust God's plan. Trying to be hopeful and trust the future. But truthfully, I am very angry with God. I am having a very difficult time trusting his plan. I hate the hopefulness that builds inside me each month no matter how much I try to stop it. I hate the crushing devastation month after month. I'm trying to be positive but I find myself growing more and more cynical...